A new report emerging from your bedroom confirms the song you’re listening to and really resonating with sounds great because, ultimately, it sounds like the past.
“There’s just something about this song that makes it feel like it’s 2005 and I’m at the pool in my grandma’s house,” you told reporters gathered at the scene, where you were tearing up while listening to the song on repeat. “I think I love it. It makes me feel like everything is simple and good.”
Sources confirm you love it because it has the same BPM and general melody as several songs from that exact period of time, when you happened to be 10 years old with nary a care in the world. It’s also kind of astonishing you haven’t recognized the exact lyrics from “Stars Are Blind” by Paris Hilton.
“I’m always telling my students that the best way to write a hit single is to make it sound exactly like a hit single from 20 to 40 years ago,” said Music Professor Tiara Furman. “Or if you’re making a slower song, aim for 1960. Some Bill Withers-type shit. People love shit that sounds like the past.”
Tiara believes this phenomenon occurs because people are generally overwhelmed, uninterested in the present, and would much rather escape into an idealized version of the past when that had 0 responsibility or were simply not alive.
Back in your bedroom, you’d started doing a dance popular in 2005 while listening to the song but seemed to have no clue where the urge was coming from.
“This song just makes me want to do the ‘One, Two Step,’” you continued, unaware that this is by design. “Get this song on the charts right now, dammit!”
You then added the song to a playlist entitled, “Songs That Make Me Feel Okay and Make Things Feel Different,” which included 50 others that sound like the past.
“The musicality here is just so interesting and new,” you continued. “I want to play it over and over, perhaps while on a road trip with my family to visit my aunt. The type of road trip where I get to bring my pillow into the car and my mom and dad switch off driving every three hours. So weird!”
As of press time, you’d sent the song to every single person you know, arguing they “have to listen to this because it’s going to be the sound of the future.”
