REPORT: Getting a Suit Either Going to Be Most Gender-Affirming or Dysphoria-Inducing Process of Your Life

A recent report from the University of Virginia has confirmed that getting your first suit will either be the most gender-affirming or dysphoria-inducing process of your life, but surely nothing in between.


“As a transmasculine and/or nonbinary person assigned female at birth, the meaningful rite of passage that is getting your first suit will be a euphoric triumph,” says lead researcher Dr. Leon Ward. “Or, alternatively, it will turn the dial on your dysphoria up to an absolute 11. At this point, it’s anyone’s game.”


The news comes as yet another stressor to you as you prepare to get suited up for your cousin’s wedding.


“I bought an off-the-rack suit and am going to get it tailored,” you say. “I’ve been pretty anxious about going to the tailor as a trans person already, so having the science back up the fact that it might give me a huge meltdown isn’t really helping.”



“But it also might be awesome!” you add. “Not to be ungrateful, but I do wish the report had been more definitive in terms of which outcome is more likely seeing as each one would require pretty different mental preparation.”


Dr. Ward reports that tempered expectations are an integral aspect of a positive result.


“If you go into this process thinking, ‘I am going to look exactly like Jude Law in The Talented Mr. Ripley in this suit’, there’s a greater chance of you having a panic attack while an old cis guy measures your inseam.”


“You should remember that when you put on the suit, it will still be your body inside of it,” Dr. Ward adds. “That’s just basically where suit technology is at the present moment.”


The report also indicates that you’re going to look good, but that this fact in no way guarantees you are going to feel good.


“There are just so many variables in this process,” Dr. Ward explains. “That’s why running all the data over and over again still predictably yields opposite results.”


“But one thing is for certain,” Dr. Ward adds. “And that’s that it is going to be incredibly expensive. Good luck!”