Everyone knows that the most important thing in life is making sure you’re immortalized in some way, and nothing beats having your visage permanently placed on a canvas by a troubled artist. It’s important to remember that troubled artists don’t want to paint just any woman; they only want to paint a beautiful broken muse, so here are some helpful tips to keep those sad painters interested!
Be Skittish and Breathless
Troubled artists love women who have a hard time making eye contact because they are too humble and sweet and insecure. Try gasping every time someone walks by, or sheepishly glancing at the ground when people look at you because you’re perpetually embarrassed in an adorable way. Now that’s art!
Have a Secret You’ve Never Told Anyone
There’s nothing troubled artists love more than finding a mysterious girl with a stormy past and a deep dark secret, and then painting that girl so that her mystery can be forever emblazoned on a canvas. Make sure you have something juicy and dark lurking in your past, so that a troubled artist will ache to paint you and unravel your mystique. It’s for his own good!
Be Sad in a Complicated Way
Not just any kind of sadness will pique the interest of a troubled artist—they’re looking for the non-needy type of sad. You need to cultivate an aura of complex, nuanced inner distress that you deal with privately, on your own time. No troubled artist wants to paint a saddie who is bummed that the early seasons of Law and Order got taken off Netflix! Troubled artists want a beautiful woman who is deeply haunted by the secrets of her past. There’s so much beauty in your suffering!
Always Be Draped in Fabric
Women who have some type of cloth casually thrown over them are a huge plus for the average troubled artist looking for a new muse. If you have some sort of heavy velvet cloak lying around, that’s perfect. If not, be on the hunt for some thick drapes to slouch in. It doesn’t matter that it’s summer, okay? Drape yourself!
Be Extremely Beautiful in a Way No One Has Ever Noticed
This is the hardest and most important step of luring the eye of a troubled artist: It’s important that you be totally stunning in a way no one has ever realized. If you have a profession that requires that you keep your hair hidden, or you’re always covered in soot, that’s perfect, so long as when you let your hair down and clean the grime off of your face you are the most beautiful woman in the world. And he discovered you—amazing!
There you go! These simple tips will have you slouched on a chaise lounge while a troubled artist sketches you in no time.