REPORT: Breakthrough COVID Cases Are Rising But We Get the Sense You Don’t Want to Hear About That

Nationwide reporting indicates that there has been a tremendous rise in “breakthrough” COVID-19 cases among vaccinated people, but we really get the sense that you don’t want to hear about that.


While records of breakthrough cases raise concerns over reopening, mask mandates, and the health of immunocompromised people, we know you’re all enjoying going to restaurants and saying “post-pandemic”, and we don’t want you to stop reading our site, so, we’ll cool it on all that.


“It is not surprising we are seeing breakthrough infections,” said Dr. Anthony Fauci, and then he said some other stuff, but, you know, we don’t think you want to know about any of that stuff. Anyway, you seen any good videos of dogs on skateboards lately?


Some Americans are also concerned about the rising infections from the Delta variant of COVID-19, which is 225% more transmissible than the SARS-CoV-2 strain, but it’s just like, bleh, you know? No thank you.


To be clear, it is very serious, and it’s our duty to report on it, and the most vulnerable lives continue to be the most at risk, but, like, we’re totally on your side. You’ve got covid burnout; we’ve got covid burnout. It’s all gravy. I mean, it isn’t. It’s very bad. But um, are you guys watching the Gossip Girl reboot? How’s Rufus? Not in it anymore? All new characters? Okay, we’ll take your word.



“This is a dramatic increase,” warned CDC director Dr. Rochelle Walensky, but we feel you tuning out, so, maybe just consider wearing a mask in enclosed public spaces? That’s not hard, right? Is it? Don’t be mad at us; we didn’t create COVID.


Ultimately, the uptick of breakthrough and Delta variant cases is sobering news, but less sobering if you avoid learning about it, and we’re just gonna let you because it doesn’t feel like that’s your vibe right now. Enjoy brunch!