QUIZ: Is He a Short King Who Listens to Your Every Word, or Is He Just an Elf on the Shelf?

We all dream of having a short king to call our own, but it can be difficult to know for sure whether your small suitor is the real deal. Is he attentive, serious but sweet, and kind? That’s all great, but there could still be obstacles ahead. Take this quiz to find out once and for all if he’s a short king who listens to your every word, or just another elf on the shelf this holiday season.


What are conversations with him like?

A. He is a deep and careful listener. His own contributions are measured — he only speaks when he has something to say — but always thoughtful and welcome.

B. He is the best listener in the world. It seems like he really internalizes everything I say. He’s pretty quiet. Like, doesn’t say anything at all…but his alert little eyes do allllll the talking.


How’s his relationship to masculinity?

A. Existing in a body that doesn’t conform to all the traditional standards of masculinity has made him engage critically and productively with the concept as a whole.

B. I guess it’s probably pretty good. He wears little red stockings all the time, so that must be something?


How does he feel about you?

A. I think he likes me! He definitely acts like he values what I have to say.

B. Hard to tell. He doesn’t give anything away, but he does sometimes come across as a little judgmental? Like he’s telling everything I tell him to his boss?


Is he short?

A. Under 5’9”.

B. He’s a teensy-tiny little floppy boy.




Mostly As: Congratulations, you’ve got an incredibly attentive short king on your hands. Treat him well and one day you too could be royalty.

Mostly Bs: So it does seem that this new man in your life is an Elf on the Shelf. We’re not saying this couldn’t still be a good thing, but be careful with him; his true loyalty will always lie with Santa.