It can be hard to be in close proximity to a man’s ass without struggling with an eternal, handwringing question: Does that little butt of his need to be pinched? You may be wondering how to know if that lil’ thing needs a squeeze, so take this quiz to find out if you should grab that tush, or love it by letting it go.
Do you know this man?
A) Yes, we are dating and he is my boyfriend. In the right context with permission, I have permission to pinch his butt.
B) Yes, because I feel like I’ve known that butt for decades. But if you’re actually asking, no, he is a stranger.
Is he bending over?
A) Yes, he is looking under his bed for something he lost.
B) No, he is simply walking down the street to somewhere. I don’t know where he’s going, because again, he is a stranger.
What is your desired outcome?
A) I grab that tight tush and he laughs a little but ultimately adores it.
B) I grab that little ass and he laughs and asks me my name because he does not know me.
What is the tight little butt wearing?
A) Boxer briefs that outline his lil’ behind because we are at his house.
B) He is clearly a professional man. Oh, maybe he’s on his way to work! I want to pinch!
What is it about this backside that needs you to go in with some finger tongs and serve yourself?
A) That’s my boyfriend’s ass, so grabbing his glistening cheek would feel so good and okay to do?
B) It’s a stranger’s ass and even though I can only see an outline, I can imagine how soft and perfect it would feel to give it a pinch. Mmm… So tight!
PINCH! THAT! PATOOTIE! YESTERDAY! This is your boyfriend, and he’s at home, carrying that scrumptious little dessert bon bon behind him. You are doing a disservice by not taking a little sample. Show him you’re not all intelligence and wit, you can be a little butt grabber when the moment presents!
Back. Away. Now. This man does not know you. It’s hard to walk away from a sweet little derrière like that could contain such tight multitudes. But save your pinchin’ for a tush that recognizes your individual touch. Sorry!