Making friends as an adult is hard – especially when what you’re looking for isn’t friends, but three to five people who harbor a quiet but relentless passion for you. Take this quiz to find out if you really want friends, or if you just want a group of people to be hopelessly, irrevocably in love with you!
What do you expect from your friends?
- Just a healthy respect for my time and feelings, honestly. They’re all amazing people, so I don’t really need to verbalize my expectations to them.
- Nothing really! Just a deep, relentless devotion that supersedes any other relationship in their life. I’m also going to need them to be blatantly obsessed with me, impressed by my music taste, and interested in the inner workings of my soul. They should also text me every day. I want them to really want me, you know? Like the way that friends do?
How would you want to spend time with them?
- Just hanging out, engaging in our mutual hobbies. Maybe they’ll confide in me a little, and I’ll get to learn a little more about who they are on the inside. Pretty casual stuff.
- Sitting in tense silence akin to being in the same room as your crush in middle school. Like, if you walked into the room, it should be very obvious that someone has a burning crush and that I’m the subject of it. Besides that, we could just chill, I guess. Maybe watch Top Chef?
Define the word “friend” for us real quick, we want to see something.
- A person with whom I share a bond of mutual affection. My whole reason for being alive. Is that too much?
- A person with whom I share a surface-level platonic bond, which ultimately just serves as a cover for the tangled web of unresolved sexual and emotional feelings they have for me.
What qualities are you looking for in a friend?
- Cool, smart, compassionate, hard-working, curious, hot, can really rock a spaghetti strap. Wait, am I in love with my friends?
- Being in love with me, mostly.
RESULTS:
Mostly 1s: Okay, so, you don’t want people to be in love with you, but we wouldn’t say you want friends either. From what we can gather, it looks like you’re on the other end of the “being in love with your friends” spectrum, pal. Definitely have a conversation with them.
Mostly 2s: Yeah, you want a group of people to be in love with you. We don’t think you even know what “having friends” means. The “friendship” you’re pursuing is just a ruse you’ve drummed up in order to achieve your real goal of feeling validated, which you can only achieve through romantic interest, for some reason. Consider getting a dog, or going to therapy.
