Sometimes a hardworking girl just can’t seem to get out of bed and face the day. Are you overly tired, deeply disturbed, or just super into sleeping right now? Take this quiz to find the reason behind your daytime snoozing:
What time is it?
- It’s 10:30AM and this bed is so cozy!
- 3PM. It doesn’t matter.
- I have no idea but this pillow smells like old hair.
Could you physically get out of bed right now if I paid you money?
- Eh, I’d rather not, but I guess I could be bribed into productivity.
- You can’t afford it.
- My roommate called my therapist and my mom and I’m still here, so no.
How does your bed feel to you?
- Great! It’s an expensive mattress I bought with my live-in boyfriend. So cozy!
- Exquisite, as though stuffed with the feathers of magical waterfowl.
- We care equally about one another, which is to say, not at all.
Did you have any parental discipline growing up?
- They spanked me once but then thought better of it, and I’m still milking that guilt for all it’s worth.
- They preferred to negotiate my punishments through talking exercises and morality plays with various allegorical puppets.
- Why is it called a suicide prevention line? It feels more like a suicide discussion line.
What’s your opinion on waking life?
- It’s a cycle—some days are up, some are down. Not all that cozy.
- It can be fun, but dreams are better.
- Isn’t it absurd that even the most beautiful things on earth lack meaning in the face of inevitable annihilation?
If you answered mostly A’s: Your sleeping habits could use some work but it’s worth it to get some extra quality Z’s from time to time!
If you answered mostly B’s: Dang! You are super fierce when it comes sleeping. Melatonin should take a lesson from you! On the other hand, you should pull back a little and get a job.
If you answered mostly C’s: Hide the sharp objects! You’re probably fine, but it couldn’t hurt (unlike self-harm!). Maybe stay in bed for now until we can get someone to come over.