A report emerging from the rolling hills of Chicago, IL confirms that 28-year-old Trisha Murdoch has finally come to terms with reality and is no longer kidding herself that she’ll do work while home for the holidays.
At long last! She hath accepted the truth!
“Every time I come home for the holidays, I convince myself it’s going to be five days of an insanely productive grind,” she told reporters gathered at the scene, which is just the couch of her childhood living room from which she hasn’t moved since last Thursday. “But then I get home and spend five days doing jack shit, which I consider a great disappointment. I realized it was about time I make a change.”
By “make a change” she does not mean “actually get things done,” but rather “stop pretending she’s going to get things done.”
“This time I’m going to be realistic,” Trisha continued. “And set my expectations at a reasonable level: zero.”
Sources confirm that 95% of adults aged 18 to 30 assume coming home will be the perfect opportunity to finally be productive without the added distraction of their demanding social lives. Of that group, 99% report spending the entire trip glued to the couch, sleeping in, or playing games with their parents.
A mere handful got work done, but that was just because they needed some alone time away from the family.
“I used to purposefully procrastinate essays and take-home assignments in college because I knew I would have plenty of time to myself once I got to my parent’s place,” said Trisha’s best friend, Romi Freed. “This turned out to be a blatant lie. I never had time to myself. Well, sure, I had time to myself, but why would I do anything with it?”
The most common excuses used to explain this lack of productivity include “I’m just exhausted,” “No one expects me to be working, anyway,” and, “Rest is so important.”
While Trisha has decided she will not be bringing any work home for the holidays, she has also made an informed decision not to tell her parents about this.
“If they think I’m free, they’ll give me a bunch of stuff to do, which kind of defeats the point,” she whispered to reporters. “But saying I can’t join tennis with Uncle Dan ‘because of work’ is actually the perfect excuse.”
Some old habits never die!
