Picking The Right Catchphrase for Your Baby

Congratulations! You had a baby! Now that pregnancy and labor are out of the way, here comes the hard part. Finding the right catchphrase for your baby can be daunting, but if you wait until they’ve already learned how to speak, it’s too late. They will have already started saying the lame-ass things they’ve heard you say. Here’s a simple guide to finding a sassy catchphrase that will make her viral-video ready in no time!


Is your baby a sassy crawler?  

Try something like: “Breast is best, bitch!”

It will be a fun shocking twist that really explodes that tinge of sass you may have inferred from his or her crawl.  And my God, look at that bold alliteration!


If your baby is super observant and smart

My recommendation: “Have you read the latest Highlights?”

Not only is this catchphrase adorable coming from a creature who can barely speak, but it will also evoke jealousy from other mothers around you.  And it could even work to subconsciously give your baby a feeling of false superiority that he or she could carry with them for a lifetime.  Now that’s invaluable.


Is your baby a bit clumsy and even seems a little drunk at times?

Try something like “top off this milk!”

This will really make people understand you have a sense of humor about your baby’s balance problems and non-athleticism (seriously, though, be prepared for a dud of a human being).  But what a catchphrase!



For the baby who just lies there

Try something sarcastic and subtle like: “I may or may not have just pooped.”


Does your pretty baby turn other tiny baby heads?

Suggested Catchphrase: “Is that poop in your diaper or you just happy to see me?”


For the philosophical baby: “I goo therefore I gaa”

The movie buff baby: “I drink your breast milk”

Activist baby: “I am my own pacifier”

Rebel Baby: “I crawl the line.”

Soap Opera Baby: “Rules are meant to be pooped on.”

Healthy/Organic Baby: “I only drink formula”

Syndicated Television Baby: “What’s the deal with nipples?


Congrats! Your baby is one step away from becoming a meme!