10 Years Later, Chinese Bead Bracelets Haven’t Done Much for Diane

After ten consecutive years of clinging to her Chinese beaded bracelets, Diane Whitley continues to report mixed levels of good luck.


Whitley acknowledges that the bracelets initially fell short when she was searching for spiritual peace in her early twenties, and again when she was diagnosed with adult acne and got her car repossessed in her early thirties.


She does credit her “little good-luck angels” with helping her catch a flight to Cincinnati last year, and the low APR on her mortgage.


“In ten years, I’ve never found a haircut that really works for me,” says Whitley, “but I think the bracelets will deliver on that front by next year.”


Whitley’s daughter Connie once gave her a charm bracelet in an effort to update her wardrobe after a family tragedy. “We got Mom to wear it when the family dog died in 2010,” says Connie. “Just cuz she loves bracelets so much.” But the elder Whitley credited it with pulling her out of a financial jam. “A week later, I got an unexpected $120 refund check from the IRS,” says Whitley. “That can’t just be a coincidence.”



“Life has been pretty alright, so I’m just gonna keep running with it,” Diane said when asked if she was giving the bead bracelets too much credit. “If life is only this good now, I don’t even want to think about what would happen if I take them off.”


“Everyone can always hear Diane clacking down the hall with those damn bracelets,” comments coworker Pam Morrison. “But it was nice of her to lend me one when I thought I had Celiac Disease.”


Whitley even credits the Chinese bead bracelets with her perfect health. “I haven’t been to the doctor in years,” she says, seeming to waver a bit on her feet before sitting down suddenly. Even Whitley’s physician Dr. Marc Reimann seems excited. When reached for comment, he said, “You spoke with Diane? We have test results from five years ago that we need to discuss. Please have her call us, it’s urgent.”


The bracelets remain Whitley’s main accessory for the foreseeable future; complementing a red Kabbalah string that she claims, “has no personal spiritual significance whatsoever.”