Always on the pulse of fashion, it was no surprise to her friends that 32-year-old Monica Jackson was seen rocking the most adorable baby bump earlier this year. On her petite frame, the perfectly spherical belly had her family and strangers alike showering her with compliments on the cuteness of her belly. A famous photographer even took her photo for a street style Instagram, which got 45,000 likes. “I thought I was on top of the world, like how I felt when I first wore moto pants,” says Jackson.
After nine months of compliments on her trendy baby bump, last Thursday Jackson gave birth to a real, untrendy human baby. Reports indicate that after delivering her son, Monica asked the nurse for the newest Vogue Magazine, and broke into tears when she discovered that infants were not on-trend for spring. “All the mags indicate that stylish women will be carrying straw totes this spring, not infants,” says Irene Warren, RN. “We see this a lot in this unit. Breaks my heart every time.”
“She really had no idea what was coming,” says visibly very-pregnant friend, Tricia Feldman. “She was always so fashionable; she had ombre hair before it was mandatory. I don’t know what went wrong with her baby bump. Mine is still totally cute, though. I’m gonna try and keep it long-term.”
“I can’t believe I went from having the cutest little basketball belly to wearing what is the equivalent of that old pair of flare jeans you wear when you didn’t expect to leave the house that day,” says Monica, as she shops online for straw totes. “Do you know if it’s illegal to put a baby in a bag?”
While her friends are rallying around her, her mother is not surprised. “This is why I don’t follow trends, you usually end up with something you’re embarrassed to see in photos later. Big bangs, barbed wire tattoos, and newborn babies,” says Denise Jackson, Monica’s mother. “She never listened to me!”
Monica has announced the name of her baby boy is “Straw Tote” to help her at least sound more on-trend when she tells people she’ll be bringing the child to brunch.