In a story that highlights the power of positive thinking, 31-year-old Helen Markel has completely reframed her outlook on life with one simple trick: rethinking her workday in tampon-wearing increments.
What an optimistic genius!
“Before, when I was still stuck in a loss mindset, I always thought of my workday as eight square hours,” Helen told reporters gathered at the scene. “But this week, which happens to be my time of the month, I realized that I had been thinking about it all wrong — I didn’t have four hours left of sitting at my desk, I just had one tampon!”
Wow! We never thought of it like that!
While this fresh perspective has invited Helen to embrace her 2-tampon workday instead of dreading it, her coworkers seem to have mixed feelings about her new outlook.
“I didn’t really see a problem with it at first, I mean it’s weird, but whatever,” Helen’s coworker Gia Domanski said. “However, now she’s describing everything in terms of tampons. Not only does it make me a bit uncomfortable, it’s also confusing trying to convert tampon time into actual hours, weeks, or even months.”
Other coworkers agree, with Helen allegedly telling other members of staff that she will finish her reports “in one and a half tampons,” and requesting “10 tampons of vacation time.”
“What ever happened to free speech?” Helen asked reporters. “I mean, my boss is only paying me 56 dollars a tampon, so I think I should be able to frame my time exactly how I want. It makes perfect sense to me!”
So true, girl! Time is all relative!
As of press time, Helen had abruptly stopped marking her time in tampons after her period had ended, confusing her coworkers even further.
“Don’t worry, everyone,” Helen told her coworkers. “I’ll go back to tampon standard time in around four weeks.”
