People Who You Could Maybe Get to Adopt Your Cat When Gerald Moves In

The truest sign of maturity in a relationship is moving in together, and luckily for you, Gerald just just got evicted so he is ready to take things to the next level! The only problem is: What are you going to do with your beloved cat who has been your companion throughout the last ten years of your life? Here are some solid options for people who might be able to take your “furry best friend” off your hands while you pursue your new awesome loving relationship with someone who “doesn’t respect animals”:


Mom and Dad?

They advised you against getting a cat in the first place because “a cat is a big responsibility,” but you sure showed them! You have cared for your sweet kitty through so many of the ups and downs of your twenties, and as a result your cat has really grown to trust you. But now that you’ve got Gerald, you don’t need her anymore! Gerald is bringing all his DJ equipment too so your cat would really be happier with Mom and Dad, even if she has to live in the basement because of your mom’s allergies. This is a good decision!


Your Roommate??

Remember how you used to sing little lullabies to your cat while she snuggled up next to you each and every night, and how sometimes your roommate would hear you through the walls and join in and harmonize? Such good times! It’s been a great run. Maybe when you kick your roommate out with less than 30 days notice (Gerald needs a place ASAP because of “the government”) she can just take your cat with her??? She will understand because love always lasts forever!!!



Your Ex???

Aw, remember how sweet Paul was with your cat? That time you went to Vegas for the weekend and cheated on him with Gerald, he totally watched your cat. He even texted you photos of the two of them snuggling so you’d know she was well cared-for! He always said that you and your cat “came as a pair” and that he respected the bond you shared, so maybe he wants your cat or would at least let you manipulate him until he breaks down and just agrees to take her before he realizes what’s happened? Gerald is coming soon and you need to fucking handle this because he thinks animals are “bullshit.”


Your Vet-Tech…?

She always seemed to really like your cat? Though maybe that’s just her job and she was only being nice because you pay her?? Either way, Gerald needs a place like now because his dealer is looking for him and he doesn’t have the cash he owes him so maybe you can just drop your cat off in the waiting room and hope for the best??????


It’s true that cats love their human owners unconditionally. Remember that! Even if your cat winds up cold and afraid, shivering in a crate at some animal shelter on the outskirts of town, the thought of you snuggling on the couch next to Gerald will warm her and she’ll be totally fine. You are going to make such a great mom someday!!! (Probably sooner rather than later. Gerald doesn’t like the way condoms feel!)