‘Our Relationship Is Not a Competition,’ Says Partner Who Is Losing

In a developing story out of a newly-shared apartment in Brooklyn, NY, 26-year-old Maxine Harber is in the midst of a fight with her partner, 25-year-old Lena Yaz, and just yelled that their relationship “is not a competition.”


This is, of course, a clear sign that she is losing.


The fight began when Maxine very casually noted that Lena hadn’t seemed as present in the relationship over the past few weeks. In response, Lena – instead of owning up and changing her behavior – launched into a laundry list of things she had found Maxine at fault for over the past year.


Sources confirm this is a very mature mindset that will certainly lead to secure and lasting relationships in the future.


“I don’t why you think me bringing up one thing I’ve noticed is grounds for you to take out all this pent-up anger,” Maxine said, taken aback. “Why didn’t you tell me about these things when they happened? Have you just been stockpiling resentment for this moment?”


Sources confirm that is exactly what Lena was doing and that it’s kind of working amazingly well, if you consider the relationship a competition. If you don’t consider the relationship a competition and instead view it as a mutual commitment to fostering joy and love without any expectation of one-to-one reciprocity, then it is, perhaps, a really bad move.


“I just think it’s crazy you’re bringing this up when I clearly have a lot more to complain about than you do,” Lena continued, seemingly unaware that having “more to complain about” is not necessarily a good thing. “I’m just winning, that’s all.”


“You’re winning?” Maxine replied, incredulous. “Is this a point system? Am I docked for making mistakes?”


Despite answering that she doesn’t measure their relationship on a point system, Lena definitely does, and she’s gone so far as writing it down: The current score is 62-15 in Lena’s favor, which is a pretty hefty lead.



It would be hard to make up that gap any time soon, so Lena’s been coasting on her laurels for about six months, although Maxine came dangerously close to evening things out when she got Lena a really thoughtful birthday gift, then helped her through a stressful grad school exam period.


As of press time, the argument had spiraled to such an extreme extent that Maxine realized Lena wasn’t nearly as mature as she’d given her credit for, and decided it would be best for them to take a break. This shifted the balance of the competition greatly, putting Maxine squarely in the lead.