Last Thursday in Seattle, a strong old man was spotted walking down the street.
“It took some time for my brain to actually process what my eyes had just seen,” said one witness, Jana Horowitz. “At first I thought that maybe it was a young man who just had really loose skin and gray wispy hair for some reason, genetic or lifestyle related. But then I looked closer and I thought: nope, that’s definitely a tan old man with shocking muscle definition.”
Jana’s wasn’t the only head that turned when the buff old strutted through Seattle’s downtown.
“It was very confusing,” said Grace Kim. “First I noticed his legs that, while somewhat spindly and hairless, were undoubtedly lined with tough muscles. Then I noticed his body and I swear to you, he had abs. Like, you could count them.”
“His t-shirt was off and draped over his shoulders,” Grace continued. “Almost as if he were on a jog. Maybe the jogging has something to do with him being strong? I don’t know; it’s all too hard to grasp.”
While no one could pinpoint what exactly was so jarring about the elderly man and his rippling physique, there was a general consensus that his strength was “wrong” and “against the laws of both God and science”.
“The more visible muscles you have, the more vital you are, and the older you are, the closer you are to death,” explained Jana. “What we’re seeing here is a complete incongruity.”
Grace agreed that the inharmonious essence of the ancient fit man was self-evident.
“When you get old, all of your muscles begin to shrink and atrophy because they’re too tired from existing for so long or something,” Grace said. “So why is this guy jogging down the street in his little shorts like it’s nothing?”
“Has he always been strong, or did he become that way recently?” Grace added. “Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn’t start working out until I hit 60.”
The brawny old fellow’s midday run sent shockwaves into his community, forcing many passersby to contemplate mortality, life’s real meaning, and whether they would hook up with someone in their mid 70s.
The strapping senior could not take questions because he is already running late to hot yoga.
