Office Really Going All Out With Fancy Water

According to employees, tech startup ArchiTechtr has really been going way the fuck out lately with the fancy water choices this month.


CEO Melissa Flannery says this is an attempt to foster a positive corporate culture and provide visitors with the ultimate office experience, “because everyone loves a refreshing but guilt-free beverage.”


The office kitchen is currently stocked with two pretty cool pitchers of water – one filled with lemon slices, one with cucumber, but on Fridays they like to “mix it up with orange slices or even a mix of fresh berries.”


The company’s seltzer offerings are where things really get crazy, with six flavors of LaCroix, a Sodastream machine (“for the purists”), several crates of Perrier, and a “local offering” of Original New York Seltzer.


One employee recently asked if they would consider stocking Coca-Cola, which he uses to power through late nights at the office, but Ms. Flannery says she considers that a fairly unique request, and one that the employee should pay for out-of-pocket.


“We can’t just fund every crazy refreshment idea that comes to us,” she said while sipping on cranberry infused water from the conference room pitcher.



The company is considering expanding their water offering to include Coconut water and Fiji water in an attempt to ensure employees are getting the proper electrolytes and minerals.


At press time, there were rumors that ArchiTechtr might be filing for bankruptcy due to record Q1 losses.