It may be 2016, but not in your mind! In your mind it’s perpetually the 2005 Vans Warped Tour, and yes, you have seen a therapist about it! Even though it was over 10 years ago and you’re a 30-something working in middle management doesn’t mean you can’t relive the best summer of your life in the office! Relive those hot, sweaty, pop-punk memories by working these office-appropriate Warped Tour staples into your wardrobe!
2005 Warped Tour Band T-Shirt
One of the easiest ways to tell your coworkers you’re still riding your warped high is to break out your favorite band tee from the 2005 Vans Warped Tour! This kickin’ tee will show the world that you’re an individual that once constructed your entire personality around a single music genre! Pair your favorite tee with a smart pencil skirt, pumps, and a statement necklace and make your intern say, “Are you another intern?” When you explain that you’re actually her boss and you’re wearing a shirt that was really cool in the mid aughts, get ready for her to say, “Oh. That was a long time ago.”
Overpriced Spiky Accessories
Remember those cool spiky studded bracelets, chokers, and belts you used to wear all the time for three days at 2005 Vans Warped Tour? Ever wish you could wear them again? Luckily, they’re back in style, so pick up some fashion-forward studded accessories that will cost you about $300. Can’t afford $300 pieces of jewelry? How pop punk of you! It’s a win-win!
A Piss Poor Attitude
If you’re tight on a budget for Warped Tour fashion, don’t worry! A piss poor attitude is free! How do you rock it? Just close your eyes and think about your life real hard. Bet you’re frowning now! The Warped Tour always reminded you to fuck authority, but not too much, cause you’re pop-punk, baby! Now think to yourself, how long have you been with this company? And how long have you wanted to quit? Feel that sinking feeling in your chest yet? So pop punk! No one will doubt that you were at 2005 Warped Tour now!
A Shoe to Hold Above Your Head at All Times
It feels like just yesterday you were in that mosh pit listening to Fall Out Boy at the 2005 Warped Tour. Honor those heady face-kicking days by holding a stranger’s shoe in the air at all times. Just make sure you’re holding up a sensible beige pump, or a loafer—this is an office, after all! Now you’re ready to head bang and never grow up!
A Parent or Guardian:
What’s your stepdad doing these days? You may be a fully functional adult who draws a salary and pays the bills, but nothing says 2005 Vans Warped Tour like adult supervision! See if he wants to come hang out at your office while you do work. Be sure to roll your eyes at him and remind him that he’s ruining your life. Ask him if he can drive you to the mall and when he points out you have a car and license now just shout, “You don’t understand!” and leave him standing alone in a strange office. Wow, adults are so lame! Blink 182!
And there you have it! Several hot pop punk accessories to make you feel like you mentally never leave Vans 2005 Warped Tour. Don’t forget to have fun with it, be bold, and take some photos for your frequently updated Xanga!