In a story of some transparent bullshit in this coffee shop, customer Leila Plies is being extra nice in an effort to cover up the fact that she is tipping zero dollars on her dirty chai with extra hot almond milk and a muffin.
“I knew she was trouble as soon as she approached the counter,” says barista Kay Reiman. “She was clearly trying to disorient me with engagement, but I could see right through it.”
“As soon as she placed her annoying drink order, she started asking me about my day and complimenting my hair like she was performing sleight of hand magic,” Kay adds. “She even tried to maintain eye contact with me the entire time she filled out the point-of-sale prompts like I wouldn’t realize she selected the ‘no tip’ option when I turned the iPad around.”
Despite Leila’s charade fooling no one for a goddamn second, she proceeded to push boundaries by apologetically asking to have her muffin heated up.
“That’s not even something we do,” Kay says. “I told her we didn’t have a toaster but I could microwave it for a few seconds in the employee break room, and she was exceedingly grateful, but, you know, only verbally.”
Witnesses attest that Leila was heard repeatedly saying “Thank you so much” and “I’m sorry for the trouble,” indicating that she was, indeed, aware that she was doing too much for far too little.
In lieu of a gratuity, Leila told Kay, “You’re the best!”
“I’m not doing this job to accrue good karma,” says Kay. “I’d actually rather someone be a huge bitch to me and leave a tip. Every dollar counts, and being gently berated is honestly preferable to being gaslit by a weird combination of entitlement and apologetic flattery.”
“Plus, if you’re making a barista steam almond milk for you, a tip should be mandated,” Kay adds. “Almond milk does not steam! Stop ordering steamed almond milk; you are ordering disappointment!”
When reached for comment, Leila no longer professed to be sorry for her demands.
“Why would I tip? It’s literally her job,” Leila said. “Also, the latte art wasn’t even good. I think she steamed the milk wrong.”
