Brighton Insurance accountant Janice Smith was blindsided this morning when a single, unlabeled can of Diet Coke materialized in her office’s communal fridge and she was confronted with a level of temptation known only to Jesus.
Many Brighton Insurance employees keep beverages in-house. However, when questioned by Smith, none could recall who left this particular Diet Coke all alone and maybe up for grabs. Smith, vulnerable from a tumultuous weekend staycation, was tempted by the perfectly chilled diet soda all morning.
“God, I don’t know. At first I assumed it was for someone’s lunch. Nope. Then I thought hey, someone’s chilling his or her soda for his or her 2pm slump. Ignore it.” Smith said, adding in a whisper “But, 2:05, it’s still there. And I’m so sleepy. So thirsty. It’s just asking to be drank!”
Manager Phil Jefferson is known throughout the office as a Diet Coke fanatic. Sipping from a mug that reads, “Only Coke I do is Diet,” he reported, “My wife hates my DC addiction.” But the coke in question did not belong to Jefferson, who keeps a small mini-fridge supply by his desk and would “never consider.”
According to reports, at 3pm Pearson was panicked.
“It’s just like a little orphan looking up as me asking to be whisked away, every time I go in there to get my steps in,” she said in an email to a coworker. “You think he’s still there?”
As the afternoon progressed Pearson wasn’t hopeful and had started journaling her feelings until her eyes glazed over and she thought about nothing but the can of Coke for several minutes.
Finally she sent an email out CCing the entire company including the janitorial staff, with “WHOSE DIET COKE?” in the subject line.