Distant Family Friend Comments ‘Nice Mouth’ On Profile Photo

John Stanley, 65, who does not share the last name or you or any of your known extended family, but has definitely been at a lot of family events and stuff, has managed to invoke a truly frightening feeling of sexual intrusion in you. He has also made you ponder, “Isn’t it interesting how the word “mouth” sounds more violating than comments about more obvious erogenous zones?”


Friends agree that the comment is weird as hell.


“He didn’t say ‘nice smile’ or ’nice teeth.’ He said ‘nice mouth,’” your best friend Kara says.


The word has conjured up images in your brain of sexual acts, as was most certainly intended by Stanley, who is like, friends with your uncle or something?



Stanley previously came up to you at some event, maybe your sister Kelly’s wedding, talking for ten straight minutes about growing up in the Kingsbridge section of the Bronx, and going to the same parish as your dad, though they went to different high schools. You were like, “Oh, okay, cool,” before you found a group of people your own age to talk to. Witnesses confirm that he could not take a fucking hint.


To be fair, your recently uploaded profile photo is very flattering, and your lips do look nice and big and shiny. Yet reports show that if a woman were to say in a complementary way, “You have such nice lips!” you wouldn’t think anything of it, but in this instance, “Nice mouth” has gravely invasive connotations coming from the guy who said he had “seen you and your videos online,” despite not being in the demographic for your online presence.