New Tattoo Prevents Woman From Reusing Her Old Nudes 

Following the incomparable high of getting a new tattoo, 23-year-old Mackenzie Stout realized something horrific about her decision to modify her body further: Her new tattoo now prevented her from reusing any of her old nudes ever again.


“I love my new tattoo, but I really didn’t think about the greater ramifications of this choice,” Mackenzie says. “I just endangered my dating prospects, and this sun sternum design doesn’t even have a deeper meaning to it. That’s years of quality nudes, down the drain, unusable, forever.”


It is likely that Mackenzie will have to spend more than 500 hours getting her angles, clothing, lighting, and mood just right again to recover even a quarter of her original collection of smut.


“I’m starting from zero again. Creative direction and rebranding alone are going to take up most of my weekends for the foreseeable future,” she says. “And some of my best pictures were taken in lingerie that doesn’t even fit me anymore ­– like, I need all new outfits at this point. So there goes my next paycheck, too!”


Worse still, Mackenzie’s tattoo artist has yet to post a photo of her tattoo.


“I don’t even get the consolation prize of random validation from strangers, or a confidence boost from my artist captioning the photo with something about how cool of a client I was,” she says. “I’m just walking around with no nude stockpile, no Instagram post, and severe scabbing at the tattoo site that I can’t stop picking at even though I know you’re not supposed to.”.


Mackenzie’s friends consider themselves lucky to have learned secondhand about the devastating ramifications of getting a new tattoo, and are rethinking their decisions to further tat themselves.



“Seeing all that Mackenzie has lost has discouraged me from getting another tattoo,” says Mackenzie’s friend, Bella, “I mean, as far as I can see from her example, I’d essentially be throwing away my entire sex life in exchange for someone stabbing a needle on my skin repeatedly. Not worth it!”


Despite her concern about reusing old nudes and her laborious efforts to create a new portfolio of sexy pics, it will take Mackenzie’s sexual partners nearly nine months to recognize she even got a new tattoo in the first place.