‘You’re So Mysterious,’ Says Man Who Has Never Asked You Anything

In unsurprising news, the local financial analyst you have been casually hooking up with for a while has just remarked, “You’re so mysterious” – largely because he has never asked you a single thing about yourself.


“There’s just something unknowable about you,” said Steve, who has been having sex with you for three months but never once asked about your hobbies, or anything else you do when you’re not actively having sex with him. “I just can’t figure you out.”


Even though your ex has called you an “over-sharer”, and your friend Tanya once said you always shared your honest perspective on things, Steve firmly believes that you “hold your cards close to your chest”.


“I just don’t know what’s going on in that little head of yours,” Steve said, despite never once asking you anything.


On the other hand, you know that his dad was a white-collar worker who worked long hours when he was growing up, that he would like to have kids someday, but doesn’t really believe in marriage or apparently, the inner lives of women he has sex with.


After being prodded by Steve to tell him something he doesn’t know about you yet, you mentioned that you work as a music teacher in an elementary school.


“Wow, you’re so full of surprises,” Steve said.


Key parts of your personality and life that Steve would never know or find out include your hobbies of knitting, your ability to whistle through your nose, or the fact that you were on a track team with Corbin Bleu’s sister once and met him and he was nice.



At press time, Steve had lost interest in decoding your mysterious persona and returned to recounting his favorite episodes of How I Met Your Mother.