Man Not Looking for Anything Serious or Realistic

As 32-year-old Jeremy Wright has often professed to the steady stream of women parading through his life, Wright hopes to stay relationship-free by engaging in passionate flings that are neither serious nor remotely realistically feasible.


“I’m looking for is someone who will come over once or twice a week to watch a movie and have sex,” says Wright. “Then she’ll go home around 11 PM so I can sleep. I won’t hear from her again unless I text her. That’s not asking too much, is it?”


The last woman to get involved with Wright realized they might be looking for different things relatively quickly.


“When I first met Jeremy I was totally interested,” said Amy Gallagher. “But not only did I learn he doesn’t want to date, he also was asking me to drive 30 minutes to his house to have sex, then to drive all the way back right after. It was super inconvenient and truly not worth it.”


Wright maintains that the idealized fantasy in his head will never be attainable in real life.


“I guess other people just disappoint me,” said Wright with a sigh. “But I know I’ll find the right girl for me someday, as long as she’s willing to make me breakfast every day but also never spend the night with me so I have the whole bed to myself.”


Wright says he’ll know the right girl when he meets her, but until then would prefer if the women he casually bones would refrain from touching his torso when they appear together in public.


“It just makes it appear like we’re in some sort of relationship,” says Wright. “In reality, we’re just friends who hang out together and have sex and eat and watch movies and sometimes meet each others’ friends. But never sleep over.”


A new woman in Wright’s life, Jenna Kyler has spent a few weekend evenings at his house. Despite her friends’ warnings, Kyler maintains hope that people can change under the right circumstances.



“I’m just going to see how it goes for the next 6 to 43 months,” said Kyler. “I am hopeful that maybe in a year or two I’ll get to spend the night? Ha, maybe that’s wishful thinking.”


Upon hearing this, Wright said:


“Oh, yeah, I’m not interested in anything slightly realistic. Sorry, being reasonable is just not how I roll.”