Boyfriend Wouldn’t Have Done That if He Knew You’d Stand Up for Yourself

After pulling a dick move by standing you up this weekend, your boyfriend just said that he never would have done it if only he had known you would have been mad instead of pretending not to care like you usually do.


“Obviously I would have never told you I would definitely come to your friend’s art show if I knew you were going to be mad at me when I didn’t show up,” says your boyfriend. “Like, I said I’d go to Katie’s exhibit of painted clay birds or whatever – doesn’t that count for something?”


Your boyfriend also noted, in his defense, that most of his friends wouldn’t even pretend to show interest in your friend Katherine’s poetry slam thing.


Your boyfriend now worries this setback will jeopardize his plan for the future of your relationship.


“What’s next? Will you get upset when I admit I’ve been lying about attending law school? I thought you’d praise my honesty for telling the truth but now I’m worried you’ll have some sort of emotional response like a human being,” says your boyfriend. “Jesus, I don’t want to have to deal with my actions just because I bailed on you when you needed me the most.”



“This affects everything,’ adds your boyfriend. “I was getting ready to introduce you to my parents, but now I’m not so sure because let’s be honest, my dad is going to ask why you don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom and I was really planning on you just nervously laughing and changing the subject.”


Your boyfriend concluded his response by asking if any of your younger, hotter friends had shown up to Katniss’s short film showing.