Mom Just Wants You to ‘Sparkle’ Again

What has been called an “off-the-cuff” and “please Sarah I didn’t mean anything by it” remark, your mother made a statement about wishing you would “just sparkle again like you used to” has thrown you into a deep existential crisis.


When pressed for further clarification, your mother said, “I just want to see you happy again,” as if you needed her opinion on it or something.


The seemingly innocent remark has suddenly caused you to question everything, from your happiness to your overall success in life, even though you’ve maintained the same job and long-term boyfriend since you graduated from a respectable college.


This statement has left you wondering if this is really about you or if it’s maybe because you forgot to call her on her birthday?



When pressed for further comment, Mom refused to explain what she meant by the word ‘sparkle’, but continued to insist that whatever it is, it is a thing that you no longer do.


“Please relax, I didn’t mean anything by it. Can we just go watch Outlander now?” she said, desperately trying to change the subject.


Sources report that you will not be enjoying Outlander anytime soon, because much like it’s main character Claire Randall, a single moment in your life has now plunged you into a strange world you did not understand, a world that involved repeating the sentence over and over again until you finally figure out what the fuck your mother meant by that statement.


When asked for comment, your mother insisted that she’s “still worried”, wants to see you, “set the world on fire” and “chase every rainbow, no matter how big.”