Want to make an impression at parties or job interviews, but don’t know how? It’s easy! Simply transform yourself into a motherfucking glitter bomb. People will be trying to get you out of their heads (and off their furniture) for weeks!
Show off your inner goddess with so much fucking body glitter.
First impressions are important, so make it count! If you want people to remember you, you need to dazzle them. So slather yourself in globs of body glitter! It’ll give you the youthful glow of a ‘90s tween at a school disco, while also ensuring you leave a sparkly stain on every surface you come into contact with. People who shake your hand won’t forget you in a hurry, girl!
Perfect for: business meetings, first dates, contact sports.
Stun him with motherfucking glitter glue.
Whoever said, “All that glitters is not gold,” was a fucking idiot – if you want to be the golden girl at a special event, then you’re only option is to literally outshine everyone there. You can also take things up a notch by adorning every square inch of your clothing with sequins, rhinestones, and anything that comes in a Bedazzler expansion pack. If you’re not blinding everyone within a 30-foot radius, you’re not fucking doing it right!
Perfect for: weddings, funerals, that upcoming court date.
Just throw that shit everywhere.
Still worried people might see past your retina-damaging exterior to the dark void within? Plug up that bubbling sense of emptiness by literally throwing glitter all over the fucking place. Just buy tubs of it from the craft store, walk around the most populated areas of town, and toss armfuls of the stuff all over the people around you, like a merciful medieval nobleman except that this is an assault and your weapon is tons of fucking glitter. You’ll be leaving behind a trail of sparkles for weeks to come, meaning that people will know that they’re walking in your footsteps. You effortless trendsetter, you!
Perfect for: the gym, brunch with the girls, visiting your dying aunt.
If you can’t sparkle them with your personality, sparkle them with motherfucking glitter, girl!