The Best Gladiator Sandals For Fighting to the Death

Ever get killed because your chic footwear was impractical for battle? Luckily, gifted swordsman can teach you a lot about wearable fashion! It’s about damn time for you to be the Maximus of the Colosseum while looking like a patron’s wife! With these totally on-trend gladiator sandals, you’ll not only have your style on fleek, but you’ll also be able to fight to the death:


Peachbush Gladiator Sandal (1)

Hadden Baby Girl Tall Shaft in Cognac

These sassy, blood red kicks are as fierce as your steel warrior helmet. That’s right; we said blood, because that’s all your opponent will be thinking about when he sees you in these, his own blood on the sandy floor of the arena as thousands of peasants cheer for you to kill him for sport. Later, when you’re dining on fresh meat in a nobleman’s house, you’ll be all, “I look good!”


Hadden Baby Girl (2)

Black Butterfly Cut Out Studded Peep Toe Knee High Gladiator Sandals in Cheetah

Go big or go home—to your grave! If you don’t win this fight, you’ll be buried in the ground, and that’s not a good look. But at least you’ll look fly as hell in these cheetah puppies. The peep toe is a flirty pop of femininity, and the three-inch heel is just enough to still be nimble in the arena. If all else fails, just buy yourself 20 minutes (that’s how long it will take you to get these off) and then stab your opponent in the eye with the heel.


Black Butterfly Gladiator Sandal (3)

Peachbush Gladiator Sandal in Black

With their sturdy leather and thick laces, these babies are sure to accentuate your gams while grounding your footing to give that perfect kill stance. Your trident will run with the blood of your opponents—score! Remember: You’re aiming for his eye sockets, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look like a woman while doing it!


Pro tip: When shopping for your hot death fighter sandal, bring a piece of armor with you into the dressing room. You can never really tell how the sandal looks without its accessories. And when in doubt about which sandal to pick, do as the Romans do, and wear no shoes. Because you’re probably going to die. You go, girl!