‘It’ll Never Last,’ Says Woman at Wedding Gazing at Ice Sculpture

In an uncomfortable story coming out of a charming wedding ceremony in Albany, NY, the bride’s aunt, Carla Russo, has been notably spreading gossip about her predictions for the happy couple, specifically that their ice sculpture will not last until the end of the reception.


“I hate to say it, but it’ll never last,” Carla said to both herself and passersby while staring at an ice sculpture of cupid. “Hey, I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”


While many wedding guests did also think the ice sculpture was not going to last long after the wedding, they did not think this was something that had to be spoken aloud multiple times throughout the ceremony.


“We were all trying to hear the vows and she wouldn’t shut up about how the ice sculpture was melting,” another wedding guest, Yolanda Perez, told reporters. “And then, since I guess that wasn’t enough, she stood up at the ‘speak now or forever hold your piece’ section and demanded that they put the ice sculpture back in the freezer. Has she ever been to a wedding before? Or even seen one on TV?”


Sources confirm that Carla has actually been to eleven weddings in her life, and has tried to bring attention to the ice sculptures at each one.


“No one ever listens to me,” Carla said. “I never thought that I’d see so many marriages fall apart so fast, even when all the warnings were there, right in front of everybody.”


Reporters thought it should be noted that the most important aspect of marriage to Carla is the abundance of well-intact, long-lasting ice sculptures owned by the couple.


Carla was also very concerned about the financial aspects of the wedding, stating, “I mean, what’s the point of spending all this money when it’s basically over before it even started? If I was the parent of the bride or groom, I would never let this happen.”



As of press time, Carla was escorted out of the venue early due to her comments being vaguely overheard by multiple family members of the bride.


“Whatever. I don’t care,” Carla told reporters while waiting for an Uber back to her hotel. “That marriage is only gonna last three months tops anyway.”