In an ideal world, we’d all get our periods every 28 days on the dot. Unfortunately, there are some months where we’re never quite sure when menstruation will strike! When we’re on edge and unsure, it can be tough to tell what’s coming: our period, or the thundering drums of an ancient board game that unleashes dark secrets of the jungle into our lives. Bodies are crazy! But how do you know which is which? Take this simple quiz to find out!
Have you had your period within the past month?
A. Nope! I’m definitely overdue.
B. Yep, and I can tell you the exact date.
C. Hm, not sure! All I know is that my parents died in a plane crash, so I live with my brother and Aunt Nora in the old Parrish house in some cute town in New England. It’s pretty fucking dark!
Have you been having mood swings?
A. Like crazy! I’ve been totally snapping at my friends and co-workers.
B. No, not really.
C. Kind of! I live in my aunt’s gigantic old Victorian mansion, which apparently some kid vanished from 26 years ago? One day he’s getting a factory worker fired for fucking up a conveyor belt, and they next? Gone. Anyway, that’s pretty creepy, so my mood often swings to “scared.”
Are you feeling cramps in your lower abdomen area?
A. So bad. I’ve been all about Advil and heating pads.
B. No cramps for me!
C. Not so much, though my stomach did plummet when I was in the attic this morning. I heard these African-sounding drums coming from an old box in the corner, luring me closer, as if casting a spell on me. Soooo weird!
How’s your skin?
A. I’ve been breaking out like crazy. I feel like I’m 15 again!
B. Totally normal!
C. Inexplicably pristine, considering I’m a tween, and as such lack the self-restraint to resist dabbling in dark magic. My little brother and I are supposed to be on our way to school, but why not play a quick round of this clearly terrifying game first?
Sounds like you’re about to get your period. Don’t forget to leave the house without a fistful of tampons!
You’re probably not about to get your period. Go forth and prosper!
Unfortunately, the board game Jumanji is about to enter your life and fuck all your shit up. Over the course of today, your Aunt Nora’s nice house will be absolutely destroyed by an indoor monsoon, your little brother will grow a monkey tail, and you’ll spend a whole lot of time with Bonnie Hunt and Robin Williams. Sorry! But hey, at least you won’t be bleeding our your vag! Go get ‘em!