Many who claim to be able to predict the future are nothing but phony hacks. But not so for the inimitable Liza Harland: This incredible pet psychic has intuited correctly 100% of the time that everyone’s pets simply want more food.
“It really has nothing to do with me, I’m just a conduit,” said Liza. “The pets communicate telepathically through me, and what they have to say is that they pretty much all just want, like, an additional bowl of kibble per day and more treats.”
Wow, Liza! What an astonishing gift.
“I channel my higher powers and spirits to really understand what your companion animal is looking for,” she said. “And while it may seem hard to believe, almost all of them just want you to throw them a whole string cheese every once in a while.”
“Some of them ask for like a cat turd or half a dead squirrel,” Liza added. “But I usually keep those parts to myself.”
“After one psychic reading, Liza told me that my shih-tzu Honey needed a few pieces of deli ham to feel truly actualized,” said Renee Ondadre of Hyannisport, MA. “So I gave her some and, just like that, tail wagging and satisfied. It’s uncanny!”
“Yeah, I’ve been giving my cat an extra can of wet food per day at Liza’s suggestion,” said Kelvin Withers, a Seattle resident. “And he’s much less frantic and hyper than before now.”
“He also has diabetes, but that’s beside the point. Liza is amazing.”
“What can I say, I have a gift,” said Liza.