I’m far from the only woman who has made a pattern of putting unmatched effort into my relationships: doing everything to help him open up, to make him be vulnerable, responsive, and accountable in your partnership. It’s a lot of work, and more often than not, it’s spent on the wrong guy. So I’m putting this cycle behind me once and for all. I’m tired of teaching grown men how to love — here’s why I’m teaching them to do little flips instead.
In the past, I wasted months of my life trying to get men to show up for me in the way I needed without stopping to think that with the right man I wouldn’t have to. Then on one of so many nights in watching a boy play video games, I suddenly realized that hints, suggestions, or even pleas for affection would never be effective, but storming in with a whistle, portable gymnastic mat, and bag of treats unfailingly would. That very same night I started teaching my first man how to do tight little acrobatic spins, flips, and twirls. And I’ve never looked back (mainly for safety reasons).
The problem with trying to teach a man how to love is that when you fail, there’s a high emotional risk of internalizing that failure as indicative of your worth. When I fail at trying to teach a man how to do little flips, that actually is indicative of my worth as a trainer, but it only motivates me to work harder and smarter until I’ve got him doing small and abrupt flips from an upright standing position at my command. You can’t change his heart, but you can strengthen his glutes and core for higher, whippier little flips.
Change takes time and reflection. Even if your efforts to teach a man how to love eventually sink in, it’s more likely the women who come after you will reap the rewards. When it comes to more men in the world doing little flips all over the place, everyone reaps the rewards. Successfully completing bouncy little flips also improves men’s self-esteem, which makes them better partners, so really everyone wins.
So my advice: Stop teaching men how to love. Use that effort and energy on yourself, and one day you’ll find a man who loves and values you more than you thought possible, and if he happens to also do little, perfectly circular flips? Well to that I say, you’re welcome.