Consider our faith in true love restored! After nearly a decade of failed relationships and unsatisfying and mediocre sexual encounters, 28-year old Alani Glover decided to return to her hometown to tie the knot with her first true love, her high school shower head.
Alani confirmed that the pair were together throughout most of high school, but went their separate ways when she left for college in Maine.
“I went to Bowdoin and my shower head was back home in Charleston,” Alani said. “Long distance just didn’t make sense for us at that point.”
Thankfully, they found their way back to each other, and Alani has no regrets.
“I’m glad we didn’t get married right out of high school,” said Alani. “It was important for me to date men and explore what I need out of a relationship. And it turns out what I need is consistent orgasms.”
Romance isn’t dead after all!
Always one to defy tradition, Alani popped the question on a date night at the couples’ favorite spot: her family home’s bathroom.
“I just figured why wait? This shower head is the complete package. Heats up quickly, a variety of water pressure settings, detachable. Plus we both love Fawlty Towers.”
Wow! Where can we find a man with a sense of humor and a five-function massage setting?
The couple has settled on a small, close friends and family ceremony and reception in the bathroom, which can fit roughly four people.
“It will definitely be intimate,” Alani confirmed. “But that’s actually very in keeping with our relationship.”
Once married life commences, Alani plans to move back home to be closer to her shower head.
“In the long run we might get our own place together, but transporting my husband would be an intensive process. Also, it’s nice to spend our lives in the place where we fell in love.”
Alani’s family is generally supportive of the relationship, but admits to having some reservations about the forthcoming union.
“It’s wonderful to see Alani so happy,” said her mother. “But we only have the one bathroom in the house, so we’re going to have to work out a schedule or something.”
Alani’s father also expressed doubts, stating, “Can I still use the shower? The whole thing feels sort of weird. I liked her human boyfriend from Bowdoin.”
He’ll come around! We can’t wait to see what comes next for this happy couple.