I’m Done Feeling Jealous Of Women With Nicer Butts To Poop Out Of

Like most women, I’ve always struggled with body insecurities. Ever since I can remember, I’ve judged parts of myself and believed they weren’t “good enough.” But recently, I decided enough is enough. I’m done buying into the oppressive standards of beauty created by the patriarchy to keep women from feeling like they deserve good things. As of today, I am officially done feeling jealous of women with nicer butts to poop out of.


Like most American woman, I’ve been inundated for years with images of the “perfect” ass on social media. You know the butt I’m talking about: it’s ample but toned; it’s juicy but firm. It’s Kim Kardashian, it’s the models on Instagram who boast about how many squats they do. I spend so much of my twenties comparing myself to those women who are showing you a highly edited photo of their poopers. But I’ve accepted that we’re only given one butt to poop out of in life, and I’m grateful for the one I have.


Anyway, why does Kim get to shit out of that nice ass when I’m stuck over here shitting out of this old thing? I’ve always wanted my poops to see smooth good butt as they exits me. Is that was too much to ask?



It was an a-ha moment for me, for sure. Why was I jealous? In the grand scheme of things, what good was it actually doing to measure the quality of my sexy doody place to others’ sexy doody place? In the end, maybe it’s even easier to drop a loud out of a shitty ass than to drop a loud out of a nice one. Who needs a hot ass to poop out of when an average ass poops just fine?


While I may never have the perfect tushy to evacuate feces from, this butt is mine and mine only. I, and only I, can use it to poop when I want to and where I want to. Not everyone can say that about their ass, that’s for sure.


I want the same empowerment for every other woman out there. Next time you’re feeling butt envy, I really hope you’ll remember that at the end of the day your butt is yours and yours alone. Only you get to evacuate fecal matter out of it. So next time you’re feeling bad about the skin and hole you poop out of, remember: If it’s your butt and it makes number two, then actually, your butt is number one.