Hello, ladies! Welcome to Dude Corner, where I get to tell you what I’m feeling because it matters and also I love to take up the space. Today I’m going to talk about something I don’t think about a ton because I don’t fuckin’ want to or have to: politics. Yuck, haha! But my girlfriend’s been nagging me up my ass to vote, so it’s time I set the record straight: I will not be voting, and yes, it’s specifically because you asked me to, Carley.
I like my girlfriend cause she’s got a bangin’ body and a good face and does sex on me, but that does not mean I will be her little bitch when it comes to the midterm election. She thinks she can just ask me, her boyfriend, to vote? Yeah, sorry, I may be your boyfriend, but I’m not your fuckin’ kid, lady. That’s why I am letting everyone know here and now I am not voting to spite the only woman who’s ever cared for me in my life, for no other reason than it bugs me when she asks me to do something. She should know I don’t take orders from fuckin’ anyone except for my male boss, k?
Sure, I understand why it’s important to vote, I’m not fucking dumb. I understand that since I live in a red-leaning state that is in jeopardy of losing our Democratic senator that my blue vote is actually imperative, lol. But like, what kinda message would that send to my girlfriend if she asked me to vote and then I just went and did that? Would she start thinking I respect her and that I’m mature enough to understand the national importance of a blue vote in my district? Yeah, that’s gonna happen over my dead body, which would never happen cause I’m a white guy with some money and all policy change will ultimately benefit me.
To all the girls out there who are trying to ask their boyfriends to do stuff, I’m here to tell you it’s fuckin’ annoying and you’re acting like a bitch. I didn’t say you are a bitch, I’m saying you’re acting like one, and that’s different and you can’t get mad at me. Don’t fuckin’ ‘Hillary’ me and make me go find a Monica, haha! Just playin’, kinda! But you should know I also didn’t vote for Hillary cause my ex-girlfriend said it is my “duty”. Yeah, right, my only duty is Call of Duty! Ha, gotcha!
Stop trying to get guys to be political by asking us to. Maybe your boyfriend would actually go to the polls if you just stopped fuckin’ begging him to be ‘engaged’ all the time. Probably not, but like, stop asking me for stuff. I’m also not gonna eat you out or remember your birthday, especially if you want me to. I guess, in the end, I am political cause right now I’m voting ‘no’ on you being a fucking bitch! Ha! Owned!