The art of texting can be deceivingly complex. Words aren’t the only thing people use to communicate anymore — they utilize pictures, videos, gifs, links, and most importantly of all, emojis. But while these seem like pleasant additions to the tool belt of virtual communication, they can also sabotage you at every step of the way. I discovered this the hard way when I finally landed on the right emoji after searching for two whole minutes, and the subject of my group chat had completely changed.
Wow! I guess nobody could just wait a couple more seconds!
When my friends Kari, June, and Zoë, and I were texting back and forth about how cold it was, I had the perfect message in mind: I typed out “It’s so cold I honestly wish I was melting in 100-degree weather again,” but for me, that wasn’t enough — in my mind’s eye, I had an immaculate emoji to complete the text. I carefully scrolled through the Smileys & People page, then the Animals & Nature page, then the Objects page, then realized I must have missed it on the Animals & Nature page. When I finally found it, which was the snowman with snow emoji, and finally added it to the end of my text, my bitch of a friend June decided to text “Wait but can we talk about Kari’s first date with her crush yesterday?????”
Perfect! My work of art was officially ruined.
All the time I spent on finding that little snowman was a complete waste! A flurry of texts came in after June’s: Kari wrote “Lol it was fun!”, Zoë wrote “OMG give us the DETAILS”, and June wrote “Literally how did it go?!?!”. I, however, was speechless. After all, I had just used up everything in me to find that tiny winter-themed picture. I simply had nothing else left to say.
However, I couldn’t bear seeing my emoji go to waste, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I sent a text saying, “Hey guys, let’s get back to discussing how cold it is though,” so that I could hopefully find a more natural segue into sending my emoji, but unfortunately, no one took the bait. June wrote “LMAO right,” and everyone exclamation point reacted to that. That honestly hurt more than the subject change.
I couldn’t help but wonder: Are the people in this group chat even my friends?
At this point, I just submitted to the flow of conversation. I realized that there was no point in trying to get back to the last topic, and that the whole point of emojis is that they’re a fun, fleeting expression of our emotions. I relaxed and decided to chime in, writing, “Lol I hear wedding bells!” with the bell emoji, but before I could press send, my phone died. Apparently, it was on three percent for that entire conversation.
I’m officially never using emojis again, even if they finally add the middle finger one.
