As a non-celebrity, I knew I didn’t have much of a chance with my celebrity crush to begin with, but after finding out he is interested in a woman of milk-colored complexion, I now know I have even less of a chance. That’s right: My biggest celebrity crush is dating a white woman.
How could he do this to me? The love of my life has attached himself to a woman who looks nothing like me!
Last week, when paparazzi took photos of my imaginary beau and his little blonde friend leaving a club together, I made the mistake of dismissing the pairing. “They are just friends,” I told myself, “He’s allowed to be friends with white women.”
Well, turns out I was wrong — they aren’t just friends and they are playing in my face!
It’s safe to say those pictures of him canoodling a melanin-deficient woman broke my heart. I felt not only rejected, but shocked. This is the type of gut-wrenching pain that could only arise when your celebrity crush abandons you for the love of a white woman.
The white girlfriend allegations actually started to ramp up when he was reported kissing her on the mouth at a bowling alley. The white girlfriend in question seems like a nice person – she could date anyone! There are so many famous men I do not have a crush on, so why would she date the one celeb who is my fated life partner?
They have no idea I exist, but my pain is real!
I know he is not my man, but I just feel like we are meant to be together. I always imagined us brushing shoulders in a grocery store, both reaching for persimmons and locking eyes. Right then, he would notice how beautiful and charismatic I am and we would ride off into the sunset. If not me, I at least thought he would date someone who resembled my dashing good looks. But, nope, instead he would rather be with Becky with the good hair. Tragic!