There are defining moments in all of our lives where we reckon with our own fleeting mortality. Maybe you’ve almost drowned, or you’ve gotten alarmingly sick, or maybe you were like me and got hit by a car while watching Tom Holland’s Lip-Sync Battle performance of Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’ on your phone.
All are equally harrowing experiences that make us re-evaluate the complexities of our existence.
They say your life flashes before your eyes during a near death experience, but when my body collided with the hard metal of a Toyota Camry and flew spectacularly up in the air, all I could think about was life’s biggest mystery: “How did he change so quickly from a full suit to a French maid one-piece?”
And to think I almost died without ever knowing (Google said it was a tear-away suit).
It may sound counter-intuitive, but Tom Holland’s ‘Umbrella’ performance saved my life that day. Sure, the driver who called 911, the paramedics who took me to the hospital, and the doctors who put me in a full-body cast saved my body, but it was that 5’ 8” British lad putting 110% into the burlesque choreography of Rihanna’s seminal song that gave me the will to live.
Because what is a life worth living without enjoy the little things, like Tom Holland dancing gloriously in the pouring rain for two minutes and 14 seconds?
My friends, family, and loved ones have been berating me since my accident, calling it “blindingly stupid” and “incredibly moronic” to have almost lost my life because I couldn’t bother to pause my YouTube video while I crossed the street, but it was absolutely worth it. And I’m just going to say it: I would do it again.
This life-changing moment will stay with me long after my pain finally goes away, long after my bones reset, and long after I’ve paid off my extensive hospital bills. I think I stared into the face of God that day, and by God I mean Tom Holland in a black latex leotard.
As I wrap up reflecting on the simple pleasures and futility of life, let me leave you with this: in your parting minutes from this Earth, I hope you are blessed with the images of Spiderman’s hips gyrating perfectly in sync to every “Ey, ey, ey.” I can think of no better final moment.
