Dating while in quarantine has been a challenge I never expected. As I was always active in the dating scene, I didn’t want physical distance to get in the way of meeting new people and having a fulfilling sex life. Unfortunately, even with the distance of Zoom sex, I somehow managed to barf all over my keyboard while giving a cyber-blowjob.
I’m still putting together the pieces, and cleaning up the little bits of barf beneath the keys.
You see, I always had a pretty strong gag reflex, and have been known to quietly gag to myself during the occasional blowjob in the dark. Most of the time, my lovers didn’t even know it happened. But with the bright ring lights and the entirely visual medium of Zoom, I felt compelled to perform the kind of fake blowjob that would leave him coming back for more – unfortunately he won’t, because I barfed in such a way that covered the majority of my laptop camera.
It must have been hard to see that much barf.
Back in the Normal Times, I felt that my normal bodily reactions were understandable given the job I was doing. Nobody ever complained, as long as the blowjob was good. But now? He has no way of knowing if it was really good blowjob that ended in barf or just a so-so blowjob that ended barf.
How am I supposed to have Zoom sex if I can’t give a Zoom blowjob? Is there any other way?
Needless to say, he hasn’t texted me back. But if you’re single, just know that my blowjobs are so good that I vomit every time – even digitally. I hope somehow we can find a way to make that seem like a good thing.
