I Just Want My Boyfriend to Be Open, Honest, and Retake This Hogwarts Sorting Quiz

When it comes to cultivating a loving relationship, I only desire a partnership with mutual respect, interest, and investment. I’ve been dating my boyfriend Joe for over a year now, and I try to be very clear about what I need from him. I just want him to be open and honest and to retake this Hogwarts sorting quiz.


Is that too much to ask?


I’ve learned from previous relationships that we can’t expect to read each other’s minds, and more importantly, I’ve learned that I do not mesh well with Ravenclaws, so he needs to retake this quiz before we go any deeper into this relationship. It’s only 14 questions and will honestly take ten minutes. I think he rushed through it last time and it didn’t give him accurate results and I know it so he better do this or our relationship is officially in peril.


That’s all it takes to please me! Seriously. Just a loving, open relationship, and putting a little more effort into this online quiz.


I do think that communication is the key to any good relationship. We need to communicate about goals for the future, emotional needs, and—oh, I don’t know—whether or not you’re a Ravenclaw. I’m a Gryffindor, which means that I’m a passionate and straightforward person. If Joe really is a Ravenclaw, that means that we’re going to have some communication issues because we simply have different goals, okay??? I mean, this quiz is a fun thing and there’s no pressure, but if Joe doesn’t get a specific result I might just have a breakdown.


Look, I just need him to retake the fucking quiz and I’ll shut up, okay?



You see, Joe has pointed out that my constant insistence that he retakes the sorting quiz is an act of selfishness in the relationship, but the fact that he is uninterested in taking the quiz proves the point that he is not a Ravenclaw. A Ravenclaw would be fucking bananas for quizzes. They love that shit. So I’m right and he’s acting like a total squib, to be honest, which, if true, would completely end this relationship.


Cheat on me if you must, Joe!!! But I need to know what Harry Potter house you’re in because it can’t be Ravenclaw!!!!


In the end, it doesn’t take that much to make me happy—just care as much about the world of Harry Potter as you do about me, and we’ll be set for life.