I’ve never been someone who’s advocated for violence. I used to think that there was always a better way to solve our issues, but I’ve learned that there’s just some things that can’t go unpunished. Today when I was walking down the street, I heard a British person say they were getting “goose pimples.” Here’s why I’m now burning down Buckingham Palace.
When I think about what England has brought into the world, not much comes to mind. Fish and chips? Pubs? Colonization? I think we can leave all that behind, especially when they keep coming up with monstrosities to say like “goose pimples” without a hint of irony or even malice. At least if it were malice, I could understand where it was coming from.
Once I heard this horrible phrase, which I have to assume means “goosebumps,” I realized that I had to remove something that Brits held sacred, namely Buckingham Palace. After all, R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps is sacred to me, and it seems like everyone from the U.K. is actively trying to take that away from me.
While some people have told me that burning down Buckingham Palace is “an inappropriate reaction,” or “dangerous,” or even “insane”, I wholeheartedly disagree, and if you’ve ever heard a British person say “goose pimples” you probably understand why I made this decision. I mean I’m gagging just thinking about it!
Hopefully after I burn Buckingham Palace down, no one will ever say “goose pimples” again. I may be arrested and go to prison for the rest of my life, but it will all be worth it to finally have some peace of mind.
I won’t rest until England’s pride and joy has burned to the ground if it means this disgusting phrase will leave British people’s vocabulary forever, and unfortunately this is the only way to ensure that.
So while some people reading this still might not understand my choice to burn Buckingham Palace down, that’s totally fine. But when you stop hearing the phrase “goose pimples” forever, just know that I was the one who made the ultimate sacrifice by burning the bloody place down. They can keep saying “Pip! Pip! Cheerio!” though! I like that one!
