I Can’t Tell if my Three-Week-Old Daughter is a Feminist Yet

We all know that becoming a mother is life’s most rewarding gift. What nobody warns you about, though, is how to deal if your infant daughter doesn’t seem to ascribe to the same notions of gender equality as you.


That’s right – every mother’s worst nightmare might be happening to me, and I am completely unprepared. My three-week-old infant daughter isn’t a feminist yet.


Now don’t get me wrong; I love my little Sarah. I’m just concerned about the social cues she’s putting out there with blatant disregard to the feminism she ought to have naturally as a very tiny woman. Tragically, in Sarah’s three weeks of human contact, her interactions have barely even passed the Bechdel Test.


Yesterday for example, some random guy at our Whole Foods called her “cutie”, and she just SMILED at him. I mean, I stand by her personal choices and all, but is she thinking about what kind of message it sends to grin at any male who goo goos or gah gahs at her? It’s like, SAY SOMETHING, SARAH! It’s almost as if she completely ignores the struggles us women have been through to prevent that kind of hassle.


I thought it couldn’t get much worse – until this morning. Sarah’s two-year-old cousin Luke decided to take Ms. Bunny – her floppy blue rabbit– right out of Sarah’s hands, and do you know what she did? She playfully giggled! That’s right, she just allowed that miniature man to brazenly take what was rightfully hers and didn’t even put up a fight. What the hell? Sure, I love my nephew, but he needs to learn right fucking now that this kind of shit won’t fly in our house.


Don’t even get me started on her complete lack of independence. I’m honestly embarrassed to bring her out in public.


It’s not easy feeling this disappointed in your own baby girl, and I’m starting to blame myself for it. Did I not turn my Ani DiFranco albums up loudly enough when I taped my earbuds to my pregnant belly? Could this really be MY fault? If so, is it too late to reverse the damage? I guess I’ll never know until Sarah begins to speak, and SO HELP ME GOD, her first words better be a Virginia Woolf quote.