How To Stay Awake Because That Is Technically What You Are Being Paid To Do

Getting to work everyday can be difficult, especially if you’re the type who likes to be out late. It would be awesome if you didn’t need the money and could sleep in till noon during the week, but unfortunately, that’s not your reality. Instead, you must report to work and keep your eyes open while you’re there. Here’s how to stay awake, since that’s technically what you’re being paid to do and all.


Drink Coffee

This is the most obvious but most effective way to stay alert. Of course coffee can mess up your digestive system and leave you feeling uncomfortably buzzed, but listen, that’s the price you pay for being a bitch who can’t get to bed before 2am. So chug that latte so that your eyes stay open because you were not hired to fall asleep and drool all over your desk. You were hired to stay awake and at least pretend as if you’re doing something semi-important on your desktop!


Mist Your Face

Keep yourself upright on the job with this temporary but effective method! Buy an Evian mister or just a spray bottle (you know the kind you use to discipline a cat) and place it on your desk. Every once in a while, give yourself a discrete little spray. It will jolt you into being awake for a couple minutes, which is very important, because if you’re not awake you are not earning your big money which you need in order to afford your nights out. Damn, this is all working! Life is good!




Lean Your Head on The Wall

With this method, you are unfortunately treading into dangerous waters because leaning your head against the wall can feel really good and can leave you drifting off into a truly blissful sleep. Or, it can give your head a little rest so your eyes can stay open without exerting as much physical energy. Yes, bitch, barely earn that paycheck! Holy shit maybe it would be easier to go to bed earlier? On second thought, no ­– every day should be a physical and emotional challenge!


Use these methods to pry your eyes open at work because you were ultimately hired to not be asleep from the hours of 9am to 5pm. And if things get really bad, wear dark glasses and fucking sleep! Who cares! You literally never get any work done, anyway!