Navigating your feelings while ending a serious relationship can be tricky. Sure, you had your reasons for breaking up, but it’s hard not to second-guess your decision once it’s over. Sometimes all you can do is date someone new to take care of your emotional needs while you sort your shit out, you know what I mean? Here are a few tips for how to realize you are, in fact, still completely in love with your ex-girlfriend, simply by dating me!
Be open about the breakup.
Tell me about how badly your ex “messed you up” and how hurt you are. The more you seem like a wounded little puppy the more I will fall over myself to fix you, you poor thing! Your vulnerability will not only get me to fall for you, but it also allows you to get free therapy sessions from me, leading you to realize that Tricia is the one – score!
Use this time to work on yourself.
Take what you’ve learned from this difficult breakup to become a better person – not for me, for her! Use me as an emotional guinea pig to try out all the things you want to be able to do for Tricia when you two lovebirds inevitably get back together. Give me gifts, really listen to me when I talk, remember my mom’s birthday! The more and more you show you care, the more I will fall in love with you while you realize how you should have treasured her while you were together!
Insist you are not still into her.
Nothing says “I am over my ex” by insisting repeatedly that you are over your ex! Every time this lie comes out of your mouth you’ll feel a deep pit in your stomach – not because you feel guilty for misleading me, but because you cannot even bear the idea of moving on from the woman you’re pretty certain is the future mother of your children!
Try to change me into her.
You might be struck by the horrifying thought that Tricia may not want you back – in which case, if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, change everything about the one you’re with! Suggest how cute I’d look with bangs! Give me her favorite book as a gift! Send me to grad school for architecture! Make sure to still obsessively follow her every move on social media so you can keep my new personality up-to-date! The important thing is that any affection you give to me is somehow still directed at her.
So there you have it! All it takes to realize you’re still in love with someone is to lure an unwitting third party into an emotional bear trap where they will end up absolutely devastated! Looking forward to seeing your engagement photos all over instagram – and don’t worry I’m totally fine!!!