How to Make Your Own Pizza, Name It Antonio, and Tell It About Your Day

In the age of convenience-centered consumption, it can be extremely gratifying to put care and effort into making your own food. Even a takeout staple like pizza can be a fun and surprisingly easy recipe to recreate at home! Plus, you can fit your personal pizza to all your needs, culinary and emotional. Who needs a boyfriend when you can just make a pizza? Here’s how to make your own pizza, name it Antonio, and tell it about your day.


Get quality ingredients.

If you’re going through the trouble of making your own pizza, why skimp on quality ingredients? You can even buy fresh dough from your favorite local pizza parlor. Select the best ingredients and you’ll end up with a pizza that has all the qualities you desire: authenticity, tastiness, being named Antonio, engaged listening, and emotional intelligence.


Assemble with care.

Follow the golden rule and treat your pizza the way you’d want your pizza to treat you. Spread sauce on it gently and evenly, distribute cheese thoughtfully, and maybe give it pepperoni eyes for you to gaze into while you explain how you had a frustrating commute home from work and just need to vent a little to your hunky dough boyf.


Don’t rush.

Test out your pizza’s comfort with being named Antonio by easing into it gradually. Try saying, “Alright, Antonio, I’m going to pop you into the oven,” or “I just read the most beautiful passage from my book, Antonio. Can I read it aloud to you while you cool?” This way, Antonio won’t feel like you’re just naming him to fill a void, even though that is, of course, what you’re doing.


Pair with wine.

In order to maximize your pizza night and your precious time with Antonio, pair the meal with an Italian wine. After a few glasses you’ll be ready to really get into it with your sweet boy Anton about how you feel underappreciated at work and maybe even reveal some of the formative moments of your childhood, or run some of your drafted tweets by him. He’ll always give the best advice which is none, because he’s just there to listen. How refreshing!



Finish the job.

Don’t be afraid to get vulnerable with Antonio. He is not only a nonjudgmental, stoic heartthrob, but also a pizza that you are going to eat, so your secrets live and die with him. Grazie, Toni!


Try out this easy at-home pizza to fill your stomach and temporarily fill the hole in your heart. You can save any leftovers to talk to at lunch. Bon appétit!