So you’ve found the love of your life, and you want to show them you care. Social convention suggests you should do this with a kiss, a gesture that says, “I like you in a way that can only be expressed by putting my face on your face.” The thing people often fail to mention, though, is that kissing – as a concept – is kind of yucky when you really think about it. Here are a few tips to help you kiss someone even though that’s honestly really gross.
Close your eyes.
Luckily, this doubles as a normal thing to do while kissing! Imagine if you were supposed to keep your eyes open when you put someone else’s mouth on your mouth, which is arguably somewhere a mouth should never be. That would suck! So, shut your eyes, lean in, and wait for it to be over so your mouth can go back to being normal and unperturbed.
Imagine you’re doing something, anything, else.
The sensation of kissing is likely going to feel weird and icky, because it is. This is a completely normal reaction to something that is honestly gross, yet somehow widely accepted and encouraged. Luckily, with your eyes closed, it’ll be easier than ever to imagine that you’re doing something totally different. For example: eating a soft-serve ice cream cone, trying a scoop of baby food because it looks kind of tasty, or using your tongue to type on a computer. These are all examples of things that are less gross than kissing, so take your pick! Just make sure that when your partner asks if you’re having a good time, you say, “Mhm!”
Count to 10 in your head.
You can do anything for 10 seconds, even something as viscerally icky as giving the person you love a little kiss on the face. Count to 10 and the lip action will be over before you know it! Then, all you have to do is go, “Wow! That was awesome! Yipee! Good kiss that I liked!” and no one will ever ask any follow-up questions. Congrats on the kiss, big guy!
Remember that just because something is gross, it doesn’t mean that it’s bad.
Yes, kissing is one of the most disgusting things a person can do, but just because it’s disgusting doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact, kissing is quite the opposite: good. Some of the best things in life are kind of gross if you think about them for too long, like babies! Kissing is like a baby: if anyone asks, you should say you like it!
The next time you find yourself in a sticky situation where you might need to kiss, follow these tips, and you’ll be locking lips like a pro in no time. You could also tell your partner what you do and don’t like, but that’s, like, if all else fails! Enjoy your long-term relationship!
