Getting a man’s attention can be a daunting task. You could put in all the effort in the world, but nothing would come close to the feeling of a good car. So why not turn yourself into a Jeep so you can finally have their full, undivided attention and admiration? Finally, you can get men everywhere to notice you simply by turning into a car. Here’s how:
Leave your frumpy sweaters at home and strap on a shiny black dress so that men finally notice you! For a final touch, wear an Audi logo on your head and zoom past him real fast so he mistakes you for a car. Sure, you’re not a car (you’re a human woman trying to transform into a car) but he should never know that. So wash your body with a giant sponge and get ready to be the car of his dreams!
Make Him Comfortable
There may come a time when men feel more satisfied and grateful to be inside a woman than a car, but that day is not today! So turn into a metal vehicle that has leather seats and no feelings. Do your very best to make him as comfortable as possible by holding his cups and playing the radio when he tells you to. You can even slap your face with windshield wipers on a rainy day! Who cares if you get wet, you’re a Volkswagen Jetta now!
Act Like You’re a Million Bucks
Confidence is everything, so turn men’s heads by acting like you’re a million bucks. And we don’t mean metaphorically! Literally act like you’re a giant hunk of Italian metal lumped together to create a luxury sports car. You’re not a Ford Focus, bitch, you’re a Lamborghini, so start acting like it by sitting there looking expensive and shutting the fuck up!
Fulfill His Every Wish
Does he want to roll up the window? Roll it up! Is his butt cold? Warm it up! His wish is your command, because you are not a woman you’re a car, which somehow means he respects you a lot more. Perfect, everything is absolutely perfect!
Use these tips to change your human body into an actual car to get men everywhere to notice you and be obsessed with you. And if he asks for road head then sorry, boys! You’re a fucking car, and cars can’t have sex!