How to Enjoy Summer Even Though It Heralds the Heat Death of Our World

With summer rapidly approaching and the wretched cold of winter behind us, it’s natural to want to enjoy the heat. But how can you do that in good conscience when global warming is accelerating, and, statistically-speaking, things will only get warmer from here? Here are some tips for enjoying your summer despite the creeping knowledge that these beautiful, warm days herald the heat death of our world – and everything you love and hold dear!


Cool off in a pool.

Nothing like a cool pool to help you forget that this is one of few remaining seasonal summers before the “eternal summer” that is to come! So dunk your head in a cool pool and try not to think about how this is kind of a metaphor for the way our leaders bury their heads in the sand as greenhouse gas emissions pass every regulatory marker we’ve set since the 80s. Hot girl summer forever! WOOOO!


Remember to stay hydrated.

The summer heat feels incredible after a cold winter, but remember: All that sweating drains your body of hydration very fast — faster than you can say, “the 2022 Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change Report says that intensified droughts and diminished snowpack will soon limit our summertime water supply.” That’s right: The best summer of your life begins now and ends with the annihilation of the human race!



Reduce, reuse, and recycle.

If you’re feeling down about the future of our planet, try taking small, incremental action. Sure, recycling one water bottle isn’t going to put a dent in the global plastic consumption protected by corporate litigation that pollutes our oceans and kills wildlife daily, but it’s a fun thought, isn’t it? Ha-ha! Slushee, anyone?


Remind yourself to count your lucky stars now.

Sure, you could think of this as one of the hottest summers we’ve ever had OR one of the coldest summers we’re ever going to have again! Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side, but on this particular side, the grass is about to be yellowing and scorched. Might as well make the most of it while it’s fun, eh? Because sure, you’re feeling hot now, but wait until you hear about the 2030s!


I dunno, maybe pray?

Listen, we’re not saying it’ll work, but can you be sure it won’t? Maybe think on that.


So the next time you’re feeling a little guilty for enjoying the warmth, don’t! Seasons are natural and beautiful and who knows how long they have left? School’s out for summer and pretty soon it’ll be out forever, babe!