There comes a time in every self-proclaimed slut’s life when they want to mix things up and try something new, like crocheting! But how can you take up an age-old hobby that seems really fun without fearing for the impact it will have on the way you’re perceived? Here are a few ways you can take up crocheting without sacrificing the slutty persona you’ve fought tooth and nail to cultivate from scratch.
Crochet something slutty.
This one’s pretty intuitive. Crocheting a blanket may be the quintessential mark of the grandma, but luckily, there are plenty of other clothing items you can crochet that fit perfectly into your slutty persona! Examples include: slutty thong, slutty bra, slutty baby tee, and slutty socks (low cut). Knitwear is in, and telling your friends that you crocheted your own nipple pasties will only help your reputation for being an absolute menacing cuntress around town.
Tell everyone you’re just crocheting as “performance art.”
Nothing says “huge slut” like thinking up and subsequently living through your own performance art. Crocheting can be a slutty activity if you say it is! Say anything confidently enough and it will be true; this is the true ethos of the slutty persona.
Remind yourself that slutty people contain multitudes.
There is no uniformity to the slut. She is every woman. She is tall, short, loud, quiet: She is it all, and that’s what makes her so beguiling. While the mechanisms of the capitalist machine would like us to believe that there is one, true way to be a slut, free yourself from this framework. It is a state of mind. Basically, you can crochet and still be slutty, and in fact, that’s pretty cool.
Float the idea that you’re “queering” sluttiness.
What’s better than a slut? A gay slut. Exactly. This one’s also intuitive, but it’s still worth putting it down on paper, even at the risk of being overly obvious.
Don’t let the persona you’ve cultivated become a cage. Crocheting is not the antithesis of sluttiness: they are beautifully complementary. So the next time you find yourself holding back from your true passions because you’re worried about what others might think, remember that sluttiness rewards bravery. In fact, it demands it. Happy crocheting!