Dating men your age is fine, but sometimes it’s nice to have an older man in your life – one who already knows who he is and what he wants out of life. Luckily these men are not hard to find – if you’re looking to find one between the ages of 55 and 65, just start arguing about Caddyshack, the popular film from 1980 that is dear to all their hearts. Before you know it, they’ll be falling all over you. Here’s how:
Explain that Caddyshack is a bad movie.
This part’s not hard. Despite being held up by men of a certain age, the film is clearly terrible. The plot is… golf? There’s nothing there but an animatronic gopher and a bunch of career peak comedians phoning in some mugging for the camera. It’s a series of random tableaus – a candy bar mistaken for poop, and a priest struck by lightning. Male Baby Boomers everywhere will come creeping out of every doorway, desperate to convince you of the groundbreaking comedy and intrinsic worth in Caddyshack.
Insult Bill Murray.
When all else fails, you can throw Bill Murray under the bus and cut every older male in your life to his core. A lot of men have soured on Chevy Chase at this point, but there is barely a man over 35 without a soft spot for Murray. Pick your poison – you could comment on the misogyny of his movies, his real-life allegations of physically abusing his wife. But if you really want to make a man feel completely drawn to you, tell him that you don’t find Murray funny. He’ll invite you over for an antagonistic viewing party ASAP.
Pretend not to know or remember Rodney Dangerfield.
Dangerfield is a weird fixture in this movie, with a weirder shtick. When this aspect of the movie comes up, keep repeating “Who?” and “You mean the young caddy?” as if his description isn’t blatantly singular. Your old man companion will be locked in and ready to school you on all the comedy “greats.”
If all else fails, you could just send them this article. Nothing will make older men want to spend time lecturing you, like knowing you think you’re a superior young millennial. Laying it all out on the table will infuriate him to the point of adopting you as his own. Happy trolling!
